Whenever someone unironically mentions a “War On Christmas” all I can think of is Tom Hanks bleeding to death while shooting at a Tiger tank with a handgun.
"You told me there wasn’t going to be any gravity, Stanley!"
- Stamping cigarettes out on the ground next to the ash tray.
- Buying $100 worth of groceries for every inch of snow that’s forecast.
- Shitting on the toilet seat, and complaining about how dirty the bathroom is afterwards.
- Instead of picking up a store directory or asking an employee where something is, wandering around the store bitching that they can’t find anything.
- Getting short-tempered whenever a bagger takes his time and actually does a good job.
- Blocking the fire lane, proclaiming an emergency, and buying bacon and eggs.
- Parking their shopping cart directly behind the bagger, pinning him against the register, and making it difficult for anyone bigger than Audrey Hepburn to get by.
- Walking very slowly down the middle of aisles, parking their carriages at a 45-degree angle whenever it gets really busy.
- Complaining about deceptive advertising when an item rings up for the price they expected it to.
- Sneaking off with a stack of paper bags when no one’s looking.
- Thinking that having a stolen cart in their front lawn is less embarrassing then being seen pushing a little stand-up “granny cart.”
- Complaining about how dirty the store is while wearing tattered pajamas and smelling like a roadside dive.
- Telling employees how much nicer other stores in the chain are.
- Spend 45 minutes rearranging their groceries until every bag has the same center-of-gravity.
- Complain that the store is out a certain item within 24 hours of the distribution center being damaged by hurricane or blizzard.
Gonna just tell people to “have a nice Christmas” because fuck it what kind of crazy person is “happy” or “merry” after putting up with this shit since Thanksgiving?
I love trolling Ebay for pictures of Stevie I’ve never seen.
Inception is fucking loud.